DAY 7

As I mentioned in the comments on Day 6, this won't be in 90 days BUT I will be going thru all 90 days. It just might take 100 days or 120 days and the book says that is ok. They just don't want you jumping ahead. I won't do the exercises if I feel I am not able to focus on it properly and I just wasn't up for it yesterday (Tues). Had some mommy and daughter time yesterday instead.

 I do remember a lot of dreams last night tho and know what they meant. Family issues and being left out. I saw pics of my sister, niece and great nephew in Germany last night which prompted these dreams. I haven't spoke to my mother since xmas eve 2007 and my sister since Mother's Day 2008. On a higher level I know it is best that I am left out. I don't need the agro and chaos that goes with the family. I honestly dont want it. I have Martin's family and that is just fine with me, I just wish they weren't so far away. On the lower level I hate missing out on watching my great nephew grow. I met him when he was an hour old on May 5th 2007 and he knocked my socks off! He smiled at me twice, looked into my eyes and there was this deep knowing of each other. It was wild! I also resent the fact that my family get to have a boy in their life when I lost mine! They get to replace my son with another boy. They get to ease their pain by having a young boy in their life. Why don't I get to have that? I don't run and hide from pain, I face it head on and heal it. SO yea, on a lower level, there's a bit of resentment with that. They get to be all dysfunctional, and what appears to be rewarded for it. Higher level knows better. But the lower level wants to know why they get to have this gapping hole that Andrew left behind, filled and we don't! Yet higher level knows there's so much more coming our way and we are happy enough now, happier than they are anyway. It's the whole Jekyll/Hyde thing again for me. At least I am acknowledging my shadow side in this situation and dealing with it.

Another part of my dream was the usual defending myself against my family, trying to wake them the hell up to who I really am! Tired of them making up who they think I am. Again, higher level KNOWS that ain't my job, lower level is frustrated with them for not getting it, and ALWAYS running from pain instead of healing it! And ALWAYS taking it out on me and making me the bad guy when it's their shit they won't look at! My mother is just carrying on the dysfunctional pattern of her mother and my sister is doing the same. Another part of the dream that I don't remember the details of, it's just a continuation of the family theme going on here. It was the feeling of me feeling inadequate and not good enough. Again, higher level knows that's a load of crap! It's good to get the lower level shit out so it can be looked at and healed. Something that my family is NOT familiar with. WOW I had a busy night! lol

Now onto the exercises...

No brain waving today, decided to take the option not to do it for a change. I did the usual body relaxation. I'm familiar with that one because I use that one in my prenatal exercise class that I taught in the 80's. The so called bouncie leg stimulation exercise wasn't bouncie at all. It was about getting sensation in my legs, like a sponge going up and down the inside of my legs like a pin ball. I am finding it more difficult to get the sensation with just my awareness on my legs. So I may have to spend a few days getting the hang of this exercise. We shall see. I will be working on it through out the day tomorrow.

IT'S ALL GOOD!